Borrowed Friends

Mason's First Day of School - EVER

Mason is growing up!  He has started Pre-3, and he is full of excitement!  Can't wait to see how much he learns.  As you can see, Panda Pete is going too.  

Goodbye Happy Tuesdays!

We have had a tradition in our home, called "Happy Tuesdays."  Tuesday is the day of the week where the whole day usually has no plans.  Just Mama home with the babies.  Enjoying fun things, playing together, going on outings, making crafts, doing something outside.  Just laid back fun.  No pressure, no agenda.  

Tomorrow starts the beginning of a whole new season in our lives.  Tomorrow I start working full-time.  My feelings are mixed.  We've been planning for the change for a few months now, so nothing abrupt or hasty.  Up to this point my hours have been slim, initially when Marshal was born I only worked Fridays, then as the boys have been born, grown, my hours have been slowly increasing, until LAST week I worked my last part-time week of 16 hours.  

I've never been a full-time SAHM.  But my time has always be MOSTLY at home.  I've been quite outspoken about how important that is.  In fact I idealized it and maybe even idolized  it a tad.  Maybe wore it as a bit of a parenthood badge, and if I'm REALLY honest was even a little judgmental of people who's lives weren't set up that way.   Well isn't it just like God to shake up our ideals that rely on ourselves instead of Him.  

So here we are, now feeling that God is leading us into a new season where I'm working more.  And most days I'm very excited about the change.  However, some days I have a little bit of a heavy heart.  So in remembrance of "Happy Tuesdays" I wanted to wallow, just for one post, on the beauty that has been in the season up until now, or well, tomorrow.   Sappy I know, but once again I'm pulling the my blog/my party/I'll-cry-if-I-want-to card.  And then I'll move on.  Move on with the amazing things that are ahead.  The amazing season we're stepping into. 

So here are some pictures of things I'll miss from Happy Tuesdays:

Spending the day in yoga pants.

Dropping off Marshal at preschool and going on a coffee-date with THIS handsome boy.

Playing for hours (literally) at our favorite park.

 Seeing THIS happy face when I pick him up at school.

Crafts.

Naps.

Sleepy swings.

I love my boys.  Oh man do I ever.  So I'm remembering the season of part-time with joy and thankfulness.  But I'm also looking ahead with joy and thankfulness.  I'm thankful for my sweet boys.  I'm thankful for Miss Jodi, who loves and cares for my boys so deeply.  I'm thankful for my church, where my husband works a flexible schedule, and is able to pick up Marshal from school, and have Fridays/Saturdays off.  I'm thankful for my dad (Papa) who also faithfully spends time weekly with the boys... all three kids under four, yes he is amazing.  I'm thankful for an education that has helped me find a ridiculously amazing job.  I'm thankful for a job like no other - in an economy like no other.  I'm thankful for the things we've learned, in the seasons we've lived.  I don't take a day for granted.  (Pictures from our last "Happy Tuesday.")

And starting this week we will be having "HAPPY FRIDAYS"  instead.   

Pink Eyed Boy

Love Dates

 

I love dates.  Dates especially with this little man. 

Pre 4!

 

Marshal's first day of Pre-4

Baby Littlest Bathtime

Better late than never!  This was baby Mac's first bathtime in the sink.  Cutest little baby rolls ever.
What's funny is that this boy loves his dad.  If it wasn't for the whole nursing part, he wouldn't have much preference for me at all :) So these days, daddy gives Mac his bath while I give the big boys theirs in the tub. 

Swimming Lessons 2012

I deeply love swimming lessons.  I don't know if it's because it reminds me of my childhood memories or what, but Marshal's second year was great.  Much like last year, he was always next to his teacher.  And she loved him.  He definitely mastered the skill set this year, and next year gets to go to Level II.  This year I had myself and two kids to wrangle while at the rec center.  They were like little hotpockets in there, it's so warm when you're not swimming.  Mason must have liked the cool concrete, because he did his swim training from the floor. 

Birthday Festivities, Marshal Jay

I love birthdays!  Marshal turned 4 this year (insert a smile and a tear).  He is so big!  His birthday was celebrated on the June 5th with birthday cards, breakfast with Mammy, a first bike from Papa, and a birthday party at Nan's house with presents, cake, and cousins.  He's old enough to decide what he wants to do for his birthday, instead of me just planning what I WOULD LIKE.  He chose this year to go down to Phoenix with Max and Riley to Jump Street.  The land of trampolines.  It was amazing, and sweaty, and stinky.  But great memories none the less.  Pastor Nancey and Greg met us down there, hence the Captain America shirt.  He's lived in it everyday since. 

Picture This!

More of my FAVORITE park...

First Day of Preschool

Oh Marshy Jay.  You steal my heart in so many ways.

You started preschool this week.  And you LOVE it.  My emotions are split in half.  I'm proud of you, you're so grown up - and SWEET.  But at the same time I'm realizing we are entering a season of school-age.  No longer are you my baby, or even my toddler.  I'm determined not to mourn the change, because after all, you are destined to grow and thrive... that's the way it works.  But, for a few small moments - laying in my bed the night before your first day; my quick walk to the car after leaving you in your classroom; and this blog post - I'll relish a bit of a broken heart with misty eyes. 

You are tender-hearted, fun, and full of love.  You are smart, and I can't wait to see you learn and grow.  

I love you.  Muchly.  

(Miss Gresham is your teacher - and you the only boy in a class of all girls... you are in HEAVEN!)

The Guilt of It All

I feel guilty a lot. 


Some recents:
My kids eat McDonalds, even Taco Bell. 
Today I let Mason eat a bagel off the hotel carpet. 
I shouldn't be so rushed all the time. 
I should let them just be boys. 
Do I let them watch too much TV? 
(Even as I'm typing this I want to justify my actions to you...
including that it was a very clean hotel.) 
I don't buy organic.
I only recycle because it means I can empty my trash less. 
I shop at Wal-Mart. 
I don't like to cook. 
My house isn't nearly as clean as hers. 
I work part-time, which means I'm not a "real" SAHM. 
Do I read enough to them?
I'm not really crafty.
Is ministry taking too much time away from family?
Is family keeping me from ministry?
My minivan has goldfish and cheerios on the floor.
And that's just the beginning of the MOTHERING guilt...


Then add all the OTHER guilt that gets heaped on as a bonus:
I'm too inpatient with my husband.
I take my husband for grantid.
I haven't worked out since 2007.
Do I have a hobby?
I lose my keys every-other day.
I should be more organized.
I don't ever iron.
My husband folds most of the laundry.
I pay to have my house cleaned once a month.
My back yard has lots of weeds.


I have so much student loan debt (also since 2007...)
We've foreclosed a home.
Short-sold a home.
Foreclosed on our dream lot.
Had a truck re-possessed.


It's a lot of work feeling this guilty all the time.  I remember my SIL Amy encouraging me once as I (literally) cried to her on the phone.  She said, "Jessie, you need to cut yourself some slack."  That was good advice.
And while I try, I also try to remember this:

• There is no condemnation for me, because I am in Christ. (Rom 8:1)
• Guilt is banished through love and truth. (Pr 16:6)
• God's mercy for my is new every morning. (Lam 3:23)
• If I'm content to simply be myself, my life will count for plenty. (Mt 23:12)
• Body and soul, I am marvelously made. (Ps 139)
• I am God's masterpiece, He has made me new in Christ Jesus, so I can do the things He planned for me long ago. (Eph 2:10)
• Everything God created is good and to be received with thanks. (1 Tim 4:4)
• I'm the clay, God is the potter.  I am what He made me to be.  (Is 64:8)

I also have found out that a lot of my guilt is based on what I presume are other people's opinions of me. 
So I also try to remember this:

• If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. (Gal 1:10)
• Don't be selfish, don't try to impress others. (Phil 2:3)
• God pays no attention to what others say (or what I think) about me.  (Rom 2:11)
• It is better for me to take refuge in God, than to trust in people.  (Ps 118:8)

Maybe guilt just comes with the Mama territory.
But I'm still going to fight it.
So today. 
Love. 
Serve. 
Have joy. 
Be thankful. 
That's enough, and good enough for me.


Inspired by this post.

My Mason

I love Mason.

Somewhere along the line I've been taught that I don't want to label my kids.  Rightly so.  At the same time, I've also seen parents with a "difficult" kid have to be isolated, because they're not even allowed to say they're having difficulty because it makes them possibly come across as labeling their child as "difficult". 

Seems like a pretty lonely road.

That being said, Mason is difficult.  Lol.  Gosh I love him.  Did I mention that?  He is smart, and sweet, and amazing.  I believe in him.  He's a good boy.  But I'm not going to candy-coat anything, that's for sure.  He is trying sometimes lots of times. 
All these parenting truths by which I stand so firmly: be consistent,  demonstrate manners, teach quick obedience, discipline out of love not anger or embarrassment, this is a season which will pass... somehow are so much harder to implement with my Mason.  He gives strong-willed a new (very handsome) face.  He is knowingly defiant sometimes lots of times.

I've been consistent now for almost two years.  That's a dang long season.  That's a lot of tantrums.  That's a lot of wondering if I'm doing something wrong.  That's a lot of wondering if there's something wrong with him. 

But here's my conclusion: he is who he is.  He's (almost) two.  He needs to be taught, shaped, and molded.  He is who God created him to be.  Mason has been intrusted to our family for a reason.  Just like I can learn to trust God with other unknowns in my life, I can trust God with my Mason too.  I can't expect him to be a certain way just because it would make for easier parenting, right? He's been crafted to be just the way he is, and someday these weakensses will be his strenghts.  He is strong.  Understatment.  He is persistent.  Rediculously understated.  BUT - when shaped and molded these are gifts that can change his world. 

That's hard to remember when I'm picking him off the floor at Wal-Mart while he's laying there snot-faced, kicking, and yelling, "stop it Mama" after throwing his sippy cup at me. 

But I'm trying.   

I'll try to be consistent. 
I'll try to encourage his good behavior. 
I'll try not to lose my temper and feel like a loser. 

I'll also give myself grace. 
I'll also give him grace.
I'll pray sometimes lots of times.
And pick up the sippy cup.

I fiercy love you Mason Scott.  I'm devoted to you.  I'll do my best to show you Jesus and teach you to be like him.  I'm your biggest fan.  You'll change the world someday.  I'm proud of you already. 

Teaching About Jesus

There are so many things you want to impart to your kids.  From morals, to manners, to the importance of good hygiene... and everything in between.  It can be a bit daunting actually, and my kids are only 3, and 20 months.  What do I teach, when? What if I forget something SO important (clean underwear, for instance)?  Being the planner that I am, I want to schedule out a life lesson a day, then recap two days later, then outline levels of importance... but alas, that is stupid unrealistic.

So.  I felt like God gave me a plan.  Which is really a lack of plan.  Such a novel idea.  Thanks God.

1. As they are able to understand, teach when opportunities arise.

2. Demonstrate the rest.

Lately, some opportunities have arisen :) We are doing a fund-raiser at The Uprising to buy cars for missionaries around the world, through an AWESOME organization called Speed the Light (STL).  In short, the challenge is called Slow Self, Speed the Light, where we encourage students to find something they are willing to give sacrificially to sell through our group Craig's List listings - all proceeds go to STL.  In our home, we pray for missionaries every night when we pray together.  So I figured, let's all think about something we can give up and contribute.  We started talking to Marshal about the importance of helping others, how we have so much and there are missionaries who don't have as much as we do - and asked him what he wanted to give to help.  His first answer was, "money!"  What a great answer! I then reminded him that he didn't have any money, lol.  BUT we talked about how we could sell some toys, or stuffed animals, or clothes to get him some money.  His sweet little nature was just taking it all in.  No decisions yet.  I'll keep you updated. 

As I alluded, we have prayer time every night.  It's the cutest thing you've ever seen.  It ends up being a tag team prayer, where Marshal starts, and then tells each one of us - "your turn Mom" or "your turn Dada". The last of the family finishing up for the night.  We hadn't been including Mason in the turns because, well, he couldn't talk. But as his vocabulary has been growing - we thought we'd give him a chance at bat.  So for the last week or so, Mason has been taking his turn.  He bows his head, quiets his voice, and says: "Praying, praying, praying [as many times as he likes] ... Amen!"  Ooooooh! It's sweet!

Somehow the DEMONSTRATING part of the non-plan/plan is comforting and terrifying all at the same time.  I don't have to feel pressured to DO anything, but I want to BE a lot.  I want to be honest.  I want to LOVE.  I want to forgive.  I want to serve others before myself.  I want to love Jesus.  I want to know Jesus.  I want to be able to share.  I want to be able to say I'm sorry.  I want to be teachable.  I don't want to live my life for this world.  I want to be wise.  I want to bear fruit.  I want to make a difference. So where am I starting?  I'm trying to simply know Jesus, love Him, and ask Him to make me more like Himself.  

Seems like a good place to start. 

A Letter to my Marshal on Your 3rd Birthday

Dear Sweet Marshal Boy -  

Happy third birthday!    I am so proud to be your mama.  You know, when I was pregnant with you I loved you from the second I knew you were in my tummy.  I thought I could never love you more than that precious, miraculous time we had together. But now, I can tell I was wrong.  I think I've loved you more and more each day I've known you.  You are truly amazing.  You are so obedient (thank you for that).  You have a tender and friendly heart.  You make friends everywhere you go.  You are REALLY smart.  You know all kinds of stuff: your ABCs, songs, the days of the week, people's names... and  you have this uncanny ability to know where were are while we're driving (even places you've only been once).  You love to read your Bible and pray.  You are compassionate.  You are sensitive.  You love your family.  You are so special.  Exceptional.

My prayer is that you fulfill the destiny God has for your life.  I pray for your preserved innocence and purity.  I pray that you will continue to trust and love and befriend.  I pray that you would have a deeply rooted love for Jesus; one that's your own.  Be a servant, put others first. 

You've taught me so much about life, God, calling, purpose, seasons, and family.  I love you.  Thank you for being you.  I look forward to seeing the story of your life.  Thank you for being my boy, you make life exciting.  You bring me joy.  I'm so proud of you.

Mama   

Introducing McKale William Peters

McKale William Peters (aka Mac)

18 weeks gestation

This picture was taken at the highly anticipated 3D sonogram training which actually turned out to be 4D. My sweet baby.  I love him already.  Can you believe how developed he is at only 18 weeks? The ultrasound was AMAZING.  At various points of the show he smiled, sucked his thumb, moved, turned, rested, and showed us once again - he's definitely a boy.  I have the best OBGYN ever.  Love him too.  Thanks for letting me see my sweet boy.

"Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?"
(Ps 127:3)

Big Week!

It's been a big week this week!

First of all, I'm feeling the baby move (17 weeks)!  Oh so sweet - those little kicks, barely noticeable, and yet just another reminder of the wonderful miracle that is LIFE. 

Secondly, this Friday we're hoping for a baby reveal :) pray that the little peanut shows us the necessary view.  And  MAYBE, just maybe we'll know if this little one is a boy or girl.

Lastly, the plans all fell into place (after lots of crazy extenuating circumstances) for my dad to close on an investment home.  This means we'll have a new land-lord, and a beautiful new rental to live in.  We are so excited, blessed, and grateful.  I'm sure there will be many pictures, adventures, and stories to come surrounding this move.  

The 5:00 am Morning Call

Sweet Mason,

Did I mention how much I adore you? You're my little blue.  Littlest.  Sweet nugget.  You are an adventurer.  You are confident. You have that smile.  Dimples.  Curly hair.  If you ever have a sister you better hope she has that hair too, or there will be issues for sure.

You are in a stage of transition.  You're not my little baby any more.  I've LOVED nursing you.  Nursing you has been beautiful, meaningful, and easy (bless God). You are a joy of rest in the midst of a busy day.  You made me laugh when you sneezed milk out your nose.  You've been adaptable at taking bottles of pumped milk while I've worked out of our home a little bit. You've not been a biter or gone on nursing strikes.  You're so sweet and snuggly...

One of these days in the near future you're going to wean.  I can tell it's coming.  As we're about to lose that special bond, I wanted to just take a moment to remember how much I love being your Mama.  I'm not going to mourn the seasons as they change, because I know that with a new season comes new adventures and new special moments.  I know that you have to grow and develop and fulfill your destiny.  I'm so proud of you.

In this last little bit before you wean, I love scurrying through the dark quiet house, and finding you sitting with Panda Pete and crazy hair - bright eyed and waiting for your mama.  I love pulling you out of your crib.  I love how you bury your soft face deep into my neck as we walk into the living room and its awaiting soft couch and boppy.  I love how you easily fall back to sleep and how I doze until I finally decide to lay you back down.  I treasure your internal 5:00 am morning call.  I love our quiet times together.

I love you my sweet Blue.

Mama

The Detour

Here it is, 12:44 am on Christmas Eve morning. I can't sleep, which is extremely rare for this sleep-deprived, sleep-loving mama.  Christmas excitement, you ask? In a way I guess.  This Christmas season has been one of COMPLETE and udder wonder for me.  Partly I think because my sweet M boys are at an age (especially Marshal) where they are starting to understand what's going on.  Marshal loves naming baby Jesus, and Mawy.  But even more, this has been a season of great peace.  Peace that surpasses my understanding in a lot of ways. We have a lot less.  We've lost a lot this year.  But when I think of what we have - I'm in awe.

Today, er, yesterday -  my husband ended up in the ER with a spine complication (LONG STORY).  My husband.  My strong, hard-working, do anything to protect, provider, husband... was very compromised and helplessly in pain. I sat next to his ER stretcher contemplating life and death.  Call me melodramatic, but it doesn't help that he said, "If I die, make sure you remarry." Side note, for some reason that totally cracks me up.  He ended up having a relatively simple procedure, had near-immediate relief, and now is on bed-rest flat on his back for 48 hours.

I'm grateful.  Understatement.  I'll take a Christmas Eve and Christmas on our king-sized bed or couch any-day.  We are all here, and we are together.

So, back to the point.  Somehow, on this Christmas Eve 2010 - with my husband flat on his back and me sleepless - my heart is overflowing with joy.  My eyes are not moist from sorrow.  Quite the opposite.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Peace, namely.  Family.  Provision.  Redemption.  Health. Financial Peace. Reconciliation. To name a few. 

It's funny how God works.  I'm such a planner.  (Planner is a harsh word, I prefer "organized dreamer" - ha.) Sometimes, in the grand scheme of God's plan for my life, I like to take control of my dreams. You know, hang on to them REAL tight.  I like to try to force them into fruition, usually my way.  But this is what I'm learning: God wants to see my dreams realized even more than I do.  In fact - His dreams for me encompass my destiny.  But at times I have to be redirected.  A detour, so to speak.  A detour that re-aligns my plans within the more perfect plans He has for me.  (Come to think of it, Mary had a bit of a detour too - and look how marvelous that turned out.)  These detours force me to once again place my trust, dependence, and yes even control - back into His hands.  I guess that's what He means when He says He knows the plans He has for me, and works all things for my good.

Moral of the story? Today? This year?
Even when things seem most hopeless.
Even when situations seem un-redeemable.
Even when dreams seem deflated or dashed.
Nothing is impossible with Him.

I'm telling you - I've seen it with my own eyes.
My heart has been healed by this very message.
Things may not happen my way.
I'm okay with that.
Because as I sit here in the quiet of my little home,
I can see from the depths of my soul - there is peace.

What a beautiful message on Christmas Eve.
Peace.
Thank you Jesus.





PICTURES:

We started a new tradition for advent.  We write on a paper ornament what each member of the family is thankful for, each day of December through Christmas.  Marshal's answers surround Mama and Dada most days.  Since Mason doesn't talk yet we embellish his a bit.  After all is said and done, the rope gets stored away for next year to decorate the tree with.

This year's Christmas tree makes me giggle.  It is a little Charlie Brown tree that was given to us our first year of marriage.  We love that ugly little tree.  It reminds us of humble beginnings.  And humble detours.  It sits on our kitchen island, which in this picture is also housing the diaper bag, and a grocery sack of peed-on-little-boy-underwear. There's real life for ya.  If you look closely, the reindeer craft on the left is missing an eye.  I imagine it will pass in Mason's diaper any day now.

"Small house, great peace" - self explanatory.

I love you. Merry Christmas.