A Letter to my M&Ms (Blue&Brown)

Hi Sweet M Boys -

Tonight it is quiet.  You are both sleeping, Marsh you're in our bed, Maso in the crib.  As I sit with hands positioned on the keyboard I search for words to describe tonight, and my heart.

Right now you are both so little.  I want you to know - you make life wonderful.  The joy and fulfillment you bring to our family is beyond anything I could have dreamed.  I am so proud of you.   

I want to be the best mama for you.  I want to be consistent, fun, wise, silly, humble, and approachable. But I make a lot of mistakes.  I'm going to make LOTS more.  Please forgive me.  Right now in life we are learning so much.  We are learning that stuff isn't what makes us happy.  We're learning that it's okay to prioritize family, even in a society where that foundation is crumbling.  

My heart is to protect you.  Oh how my heart wants to shield and guard you.  Babies, this world is hard.   It sometimes brings heartache and pain.  I won't be able to always be with you, I won't be able to always comfort you, and I won't be able to keep you from hurting.   This reality makes me want to hold you tightly, worry, and control.  

But you know what? 
As much as I like to think you're MINE, you're really not.  
As much as I think I love you, Someone loves you MORE.   
That One knows your stories from beginning to end.  
That One knows how to comfort you better than I do.
That One is with you even when me and Daddy can't be.  
That One will never leave you.  

So tonight I remember.  
I remember to not hold you too tightly.  
Oh, I'll take care of you with everything that is in me.  
I'll cherish every memory you make, everyday.  
But I'll remember that you are HIS before you are mine. 

I love you sweet baby M&Ms.  Know Jesus, okay? 
He's completely trustworthy, 
and altogether everything you need.

Mama